As a long-time user of Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, I’d like to think I have a good understanding of my standards for swiping. I’d like to think that. But I do still find myself swiping under the influence and ending up with some interesting matches in the morning. Even so, I have grazed these apps long enough to make a list of my likes and dislikes when it comes to these dating apps. These are my dating app don’ts.
dogs are a trap
You know when you’re looking through someone’s profile and stumble upon a darling picture of a dog? Maybe they’re holding the dog? Maybe two? Do not fall for it. I call this the “cute pet effect.”
When someone uses a furry friend on their profile, it paints them as someone kind and caring. The dog is clouding your judgment and ignoring the other pictures of them holding a dead fish or having a truly awful haircut.
Also, that might not even be their dog. It could be some random dog they saw at a party. Or their ex’s dog that they paid no attention to aside from that one picture. It could be any dog. Do not let that adorable ball of fluff distract you from the truly diabolical requests in their bio.
The solution? Cover up the dog. It’s like when you’re looking at an eyeshadow palette you think you need. Cover up the color you like and look at the rest of the palette. Does it appeal to you? Would you buy it if the color you covered wasn’t there? Why is there a shade called “6’2″ because apparently that matters?” The dog is a trap.
drop the pickup lines
This may be unpopular, but I cannot stand pickup lines. If someone starts one more conversation with “are you a poster? because I want to pin you against my wall,” I am going to have to scream.
It was funny at first but it is nearly impossible to reply to a pickup line in a way that generates a good conversation. Back when I had patience, I would rate the generally unoriginal line out of 10 and give my critiques. Now, I just choose the “unmatch” option.
Instead, start with a question. Some of my favorites include:
- What celebrity are you most irrationally afraid of? (Jake Gyllenhaal)
- What song is on your no-play list? (EDM Remix of Love Story by Taylor Swift)
- What movie do people gasp at when you tell them you’ve never seen it? (The Lion King)
See? Fun questions can lead to more questions depending on the answer. Why am I afraid of Jake Gyllenhaal? Ask Taylor Swift. Why ask Taylor Swift? Listen to All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version). Why is it 10 minutes? Ask Jake Gyllenhaal.
you got snap?
Unmatch. How are you, a man above the age of 20, using Snapchat as your primary mean of communication? When someone asks for your Snapchat instead of your phone number, they probably also refuse to eat olives, broccoli, tomatoes, etc. They have the tastebuds of a child. They are going to act like a child. And they are never going to get to know you outside of Snapchat.
I’m not saying that you need to delete Snapchat from your phone. I have Snapchat. I enjoy it for sharing pictures and videos with my friends or on my private story. I think it’s fun. But do not ask for my Snapchat before you ask for my phone number. Snapchat is not for real conversations.
Before I established my rule of “unmatch if they ask for my snap,” I found some interesting things. The men who I communicated with via Snapchat were far more likely to ask for nudes, ask to hook up, or only contact me at night. The men I communicated with via iMessage were more likely to ask me on dates, ask me about myself, and talk to me throughout the day. It is all a matter of preference, but I know what I want and it is far from the Snapchat man.
and scene
While I have many more dislikes, I would consider these some of my top “don’ts” to look out for. Rest easy knowing there will be more dislikes to be shared in the future. And with dislikes also comes many likes so watch out for those soon to come. Hope you enjoyed our date. Mwah.
